Drew Tries Stuff: Flavored Oreos

                Listen, I already know what you’re thinking, and yes, I did have to taste-test several types of Oreos for work. It was my burden to bear, and while I have endured and made it out the other side, please hold off on sending cards and flowers, as the USPS can only handle so much sympathy. Seriously though, when did this many Oreos spring into existence? I feel like I’ve seen an occasional new flavor trotted out every year or so, many of which quickly vanished, yet all of a sudden it’s like they’re on the Lay’s Potato Chip model. Sarsaparilla and turkey? Sure, make it a cookie!

                Determining the selections for this blog was based on two factors: availability and interest. Availability just means that while Oreo creates a bunch of flavors, not every store stocks every one, and that’s without even getting into regional limitations. I had to pick from what was on the shelfs I could get to, in other words. As for interest, that one goes to the heart of these blogs themselves: to try something that might turn out to be great. I don’t mind a long-shot if there’s a chance it could pay off, so I avoided the super-weird ones. Each of these had to at least possess the ability to wow, even if they didn’t live up to the potential.

 

Dark Chocolate Oreos

                Man, I was excited for these. I fucking love dark chocolate. There are precious few candies where I won’t pick the dark chocolate version over the regular one. When I saw them advertised in a store, I went right to the cookie aisle to get my hands on these. All dark and sized like a double-stuff (the proper Oreo ratio), even the style looked good. I was hyped for these bad boys.

                Before we get into impressions, these reviews will be broken up into two-section: pre-dunk and post-dunk. Because let’s be real, if I’m reviewing Oreos without soaking them in milk, I’m wasting all our fucking time.

                Pre-Dunk: Shit. I wanted to like these so much. But I just didn’t. It wasn’t an especially chocolatey taste, more chemical than anything else. Maybe they used a type of cocoa that didn’t mesh with the filling well, maybe it was all synthetic in the first place. I don’t have any insight on that front, all I know is that as a dark chocolate fan I came in ready to be really forgiving and this cookie still fell short. That probably says more than a fancy sentence roasting it ever could.

                Post-Dunk: As is a known trend with most Oreos, this one improved after dunking it in some milk. That said, it wasn’t an ugly duckling becoming a swan, just a slightly more palatable cookie. Sadly, there’s not much more to add on this one. If Oreo ever takes another crack at these, I’ll buy a bag and hope for the best, but that’s the only way they’re a repeated purchase.

                Overall Rating: 1 out of 5 Tree fires caused by Elf ovens.

 

Birthday Cake Oreos

                This is one I probably would have skipped on my own. Not because it doesn’t seem nice, it’s just that the flavors of a birthday cake seemed fairly close to those of an Oreo’s filling already, so I wasn’t sure it would be different enough. However, some internet searching found that these have a strong fan base, so I hoped there might be more going on flavor-wise than I’d initially assumed. Not sure what to expect, I bought a pack and took the plunge.

                Pre-Dunk: Holy shit these are sweet. And I fucking love sweet. I’ve grossed out co-workers with how many fake sugars I put in a coffee. If anyone is in the target adult audience of too-sweet, it’s me, and these were still a bit much. It’s possible the look adds to it, since save for some sprinkles in the filling, they look like regular Oreos, so my brain might be inadvertently expecting something different. Still, these are a lot for the tongue.

                Post-Dunk: Here is where I can see why these cookies gained a following. After adding the milk, the sweetness is cut way down, landing like a sharp peak of the bite rather than being the unrelenting dominant flavor. My best comparison would be to imagine if an Oreo was made with a sugar cookie instead of chocolate ones. That’s fairly close to what you’re getting on a post-dunk bite, so if it sounds up your alley then these might be for you.

                Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 Cereal wizards losing their job to a robber.

 

Peanut Butter Chocolate Pie Oreos

                This was my wild card, one I really didn’t know what to expect from. The cookie part is replaced with a Graham cracker-flavor, the filling is half chocolate/half peanut butter, and at what point have we replaced so much that this is no longer called an Oreo? Never mind, not the place for a Ship of Theseus discussion. Point is, this one looked weird and wild, so I took a swing. And anyone who has paid attention to the structure of Drew Tries Stuff blogs before knows how it went.

                Pre-Dunk: Fuck me these are good. Really good. I mean, chocolate and peanut butter is a duh, but the cookie part super compliments it well. Similar to an actual graham cracker but a tad sweeter, they balance out the richness of the filling nicely, leading to a complete bite. It’s not going to be the best cookie you’ve ever had, but it might be the best one you’ve gotten out of a giant mass-produced bag.

                Post-Dunk: Weirdly, this is the one version that was better before the milk. Or maybe not that weirdly, in fact, when you consider how far deviated this is from the standard Oreo norm. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still good dunked, but I felt like the flavors were so nicely balanced before that adding something else makes them muddled. You might enjoy it more, to each their own, but I think this bad boy stands tall on its own.

                Overall: 5 out of 5 Cookie Monsters mauling a Mrs. Fields kiosk.