Christmas Drinking Movies

                It’s that time of year! The air turns cold, daylight becomes scarce, ice forms across the country… why are we happy about winter again? Oh yeah, Christmas! And, of course, the other holidays people choose to celebrate at this time of year. Today’s focus is going to be Christmas-themed by necessity of options, however. As the title gave away, I wanted to talk about some films that are festive, but also can be enjoyed irresponsibly with friends and/or family.

                That’s right, we’re doing Christmas drinking movies. Films are… perhaps not great in their own right, but become far more fun when mocked and drunk to with people you like. As always, you know your tolerance and limits better than me, so play along at a pace that’s appropriate. The goal is to have fun, no one cares if you catch every single sip.


A Christmas Prince

                I have to start with this one, given how big it was in 2017 and had a sequel come out this year. For those who missed it, this is a Hallmark-style silly romcom, the sort that Netflix has been tinkering with for a while. Last year, after Netflix mentioned that ~50 people had watched it every day since release, people were curious, and it became a viral event. Lots of eyes on it, people watching, and of course, drinking games.

                The movie itself is remarkable only for being oddly sincere and not well made. Credit to Rose McIver of iZombie, who is charming in every role she touches, but this film is beyond any one person’s power to elevate. And yet, in all its hokey, poorly-plotted fun, there’s still something oddly enjoyable about watching the formula play out. That, or I was smashed during this one. As I recall, this one’s drinking game worked particularly well. Either way, it was a fun night, and I’m looking forward to watching and shit-talking the sequel.

                There are an abundance of drinking games for this one, after some searching, this one feels both the easier to remember and the least likely to destroy your liver:


Jingle All the Way

                Long-time readers will remember that my home operated on a very specific movie-rating system, namely how long my dad would stay awake through a movie. In that blog, I mention that there are a few films my dad saw to the end, and Jingle All the Way is within that limited company. Granted, it might be because the movie was about dads, Arnold, and postmen, which hit pretty square in his interest Venn diagram, but as I’ve grown older I’ve also realized it’s a fairly entertaining shitshow.

                Odd as it is to say, this is probably the best acted entry on today’s list. Arnold had been around long enough to get some chops by then, so he’s handling the lead well. And, after losing him too soon, it’s hard not to revel in seeing Phil Hartman crush a role the way only he could. Sinbad is doing some heavy comedic lifting as well, taking old-school pratfalls that always work, assuming you like physical comedy.

                As much as this movie is a mess, and it is, that stops mattering in capacity of a drinking movie. In fact, all the sharp plot turns and constant action are perfect when your attention will be wandering anyway. At least this way you don’t have to worry that you missed something.

                After some scouring, I think this is the best drinking game I’ve found: It has more rules than I usually like, but this film is kind of spread out in terms of places and characters, so casting a wider net keeps you from going 10 minutes without a sip then having to slam a beer in 1.


Santa’s Slay

                It had been years since I last saw this when I suggested we do and Authors & Dragons At The Movies for it. Holy crap, was I not prepared for what was coming. This flick is insane out of the gate, it gives no fucks and it wants to make sure you know that. Fair warning, this one also has language, nudity, and so much violence. It’s essentially a slasher movie, only without any attempt at building tension, so maybe save this for when the kids are in bed.

                The film stars Bill Goldberg as actual Santa, yes, the twist here is that Santa has always been evil and he was doing all the good shit because he lost a bet. The bet’s time has run out, so now he’s basically just stomping a mudhole in everyone he comes across. No methodology, no naughty or nice, he’s kicking the shit out of anything that so much as moves.

                As a cinematic entry, this falls short for ample reasons including, plot, dialogue, tons of stuff that would matter in a true film. As a drinking movie, one the other hand, it delivers on exactly what you’re looking for: ridiculous spectacle. If you want to feel the spirit of the season moving your heart, there are an abundance of great choices out there. But if you want to see Santa light someone on fire and take a rocket launcher to the skull, then Santa’s Slay is the right fit for your evening.

                Fun bonus: our A&D At The Movies episode is up as of this blog’s writing. If it’s December 2018 when you’re reading this, you can listen along right now by going to the Patreon. If we’re past that, then you can grab it for free. We had a great time laughing along with this one, and I hope you will too. Here’s the drinking game we used: