So this weekend is Comicpalooza in Houston, and while I was really excited about going back for a second year, I ended up having to back out a few months back. The reason was unavoidable, in that this weekend is the final push of my move that had been schedule forever ago, so there’s really no getting around that. Once this weekend is done, I’ll be fully out of Deep Ellum, but my thoughts as I haul dressers and boxes of crap will be in Houston where everyone is having all the fun. But the move only occupies Saturday, so I’ve decided to drown my sorrows on Sunday by holding the first annual Drew-Con. (Cue fanfair and celebration). Now from the name alone I know you’re all sitting there, trying to jam cash into the monitor in the hopes that it will magically turn into tickets for this experience, but have no fear. Since I don’t have any space or venues, Drew-Con will be held simultaneously and independently at homes all across the world. Everything you need to know to participate is in the information below.
Drew-Con: One-day only convention celebrating the works, missteps, and general attitude of all Drews, though mostly the one writing this.
-Location: Wherever you want it to be.
-Cost: Sort of depends on where you go to celebrate. Theoretically free if you stay at home, except there’s still stuff like rent and utilities factored in there. Let’s just call it ‘variable’ and move on.
-Dress-Code: Again, variable for the same reason, although if you want to be true to the Drew-Con spirit flip-flops and workout shorts capture the look of the daily office attire.
-Food: All Drew-Con guests can take advantage of a special deal we have worked out with Postmates, Ubereats, and every major pizza chain wherein you order food from them and pay whatever they say you owe. I know, I know, we really went overboard on this, but you deserve it.
-Schedule: We all know events are what make these things, so be sure to attend every event to get the most out of your Drew-Con experience.
9:00 – 10:00: Brunch. Well, brunch in a very technical sense of the word. You can have food if you want, but the real feature here should be the Mimosas, Bloody Marys, or some light breakfast beer like a cider. Or you can just put whiskey in your coffee. It was good enough for every one of our grandfathers, its good enough for you. Just go light, you’ve got a long Con ahead of you, you’ll want to be sure and pace yourself until at least lunch.
10:00 – 11:00: Evaluating Superhero Dynamics and Plots in Powerful Modern Interpretations. For this, you’re going to want to get yourself a nice drink, find a comfy place to sit, and watch a few episodes of Young Justice. Pick whichever ones you want, although if you’re new to the series maybe start with the first 3, and reflect on how fucking good this show was and how lucky we are that a 3rd season is in the works. You should be able to cram in 3 episodes, mostly, although maybe skim past the intros if you’re tight on time.
11:00 – 12:00: Resource Acquisition and Management Panel. Part of being a writer is keeping up with your stock of things. Time, money, books to send out, promo stuff for cons, shipping supplies, I think you get the idea. We’ll have an exercise in that principle here, before anyone is intoxicated and unable to drive. Head to your nearest store and buy booze for the rest of the day. Remember: buy too little and you’ll run dry too early, spend too much and you have paid for resources you didn’t need. Although you can always drink them later, or just drink harder, so maybe don’t worry too much about going overboard. Oh, and buy a 6-pack more than you think you’ll need (foreshadowing!).
12:00 – 1:00: Lunch. Now that you’ve got some proper drinking supplies, let’s pad that belly. Unlike with Brunch, here you will need to actually eat, although the driving is done so feel free to go nuts with the booze too. I don’t think you need much more direction here, its lunch. You’ve got this.
1:00 – 2:00: Social Engagement Hour. Those of you who are single, get on your dating app of choice and swipe around for an hour. Feel free to put on more Young Justice or other works in the background, and by all means don’t slow down on the hooch. It’s a con, after all, you’re allowed to cut loose. Those of you in relationships, maybe spend this time talking with your significant other, deepening that relationship. Or use the hour to just drink harder. Those of you with no interest in social engagement, fill this time by looking at hilarious dating stories on the internet and chuckling at what the rest of the world goes through to hook up.
2:00 – 4:00: What Went Wrong? Pick your favorite movie that is objectively bad, yet you still enjoy, and analyze what elements lead it askew, as well as which factors make you enjoy it. If you’re feeling really ambitious, perhaps try reworking the concept yourself, see if you can find a way to tweak things so that you think it would have been more beloved by audiences overall. Or yell at the screen, you’ve been drinking for a while now and that might be as coherent as you get. Hell, why not go ahead and play a drinking game to the movie while you’re at it! Note: we only have two hours for this activity because that’s all anyone should need. Yes, there are good movies that are over 2 hours, and there are bad movies over 2 hours, but there aren’t really any good-bad movies over 2 hours, so the timeframe should work for all.
4:00 – 5:00: High Fantasy. Don’t worry stoners, I read the emails; I know you’re in my fan-base too. This Drew-Con is just as much for you as anyone else. Thus why this hour has been set aside for you. While engaging in your drug of choice (drunks, booze is still on the table) watch several episodes of a show that presents classic fantasy elements in a highly stylized way. Examples might be Game of Thrones, Adventure Time, Pushing Daisies, or whatever show you think fits. It’s your con, do what feels right. Just don’t go so overboard that you can’t rally for the next event.
5:00 – 6:00: The Author Experience. Here we try to recreate what it’s like to be a professional author. There are plenty of activities to cram into this hour, some examples include:
1. Trying to explain to your parents that yes, this really does count as a job.
2. Figuring out how much Ramen and Easy Mac you can eat before your body will cease to function.
3. Drinking in the shower.
4. Writing hard for an hour, then reading it through and deleting the whole bit.
5. Maybe post a tweet or something?
Feel free to mix and match these, or add your own as they come to you. If you feel uncertain about every choice you’re making, then Congratulations! You’re experiencing what it is like to live off of your writing.
6:00 – 7:00: Q&A Panel. It wouldn’t be a con without professionals and celebrities taking questions from attendees. Sadly, we have neither celebrities or attendees, but social media is still a thing. Try tweeting or snapchating or whatever the kids do these days to your favorite celebrities and see if they will answer some questions. Let’s be honest, given the lines for this stuff at cons your odds of getting a reply are probably about as good as making it to the front of a real Q&A panel line.
7:00 – 8:00: Dinner. You’re going to want to go carb heavy here, something to really dilute the booze in your system. It’s been a long day, and we’re not done yet.
8:00 – 9:00: Power Hour. Boom! Told you that extra 6-pack line was foreshadowing. That’s right, it’s not a Drew-Con without a Power Hour. You can do whatever one you like, be it a creation on MyTube60, one you made yourself, or even one of the several Drinkalong Power Hours I’ve got on the site. All that matters is that Drew-Con will have an international Power Hour occurring simultaneously all across the world. This also might be a good time to put the social media away, unless you want to accidentally post some really vulgar curse words on Grandma’s facebook wall.
9:00 – 10:00: Con Dance. This is less of a planned event and more just an inevitable thing I’m acknowledging. You’ve been drinking all day, you just did a Power Hour, a lot of you are going to dance anyway, so let’s lean into it. Go nuts. Put on some music you like and rock the fuck out, whether its rock or not. Dance the booze out of your system, then put more in. Dance like no one is watching, and perhaps take some steps to make sure that’s the case. Video exists, and you don’t want to give your friends more blackmail material on you than they already have.
10:00: Closing Ceremonies. This sounds a lot classier than just saying “Pass out drunk”.
And that’s the first Drew-Con. Good luck to all of you “attending” at home, and remember that DrewHayesNovels.com accepts no liability for alcohol poisoning or related issues for what is clearly a comic blog. But if you do something totally epic, DrewHayesNovels.com will try to take some credit. Not an obscene amount. Maybe like 20-25%. That seems fair, right? Yeah, that seems fair.